so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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