I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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