Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize