At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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