it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
