how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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