You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
