I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
