he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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