I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
