you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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