New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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