Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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