she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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