So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
what day is it and did you see me today?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
