Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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