Who did Billy Mays play for?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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