i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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