Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
