She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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