One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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