Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
