I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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