What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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