I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
