i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize