So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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