In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
