i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
