awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
