My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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