so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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