those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
