Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize