I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
