Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
