i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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