just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
