Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
