I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
