Will you blow on my dice?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
