Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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