We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
