Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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