Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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