we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize