how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
