I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize