Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
even my farts smell like vagina
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
