i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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