Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize