I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
