Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
