is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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