you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize