I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
