Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
