Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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