You're completely useless in the revolution.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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