SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He kissed a someone with a penis
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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