I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
