The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
