if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize