I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
