my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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