in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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